What happens in a codependent relationship? How can I feel more secure in my relationship? In this video, I go over the exact steps to regaining your sense of self.
Changing from insecure to secure attachment
Insecure attachment can look like seeking reassurance from your partner frequently, or the opposite, distancing yourself when faced with true emotional connections. In this video, I talk about what happens in anxious attachment, or those may know it as, codependency. Codependency develops over-time and many times, it begins at home.
That's right! Unfortunately, the old adage proves to be true. Our parents are our first introduction into relationships and our perceptions about them. Then following that is usually how we interact with others, such as co-workers, friends, past relationships, and so on. Are you overly suspicious and distrustful of others, or are you an open book, and give yourself (and too many details!) away?
Rebuilding independence in the relationship
By the time you've realized something has gone wrong, you're probably much too deep in the codependent web. You may find that you have isolated yourself to just you and your partner only. You may have missed out on some of the "fun" and grown distant from family and friends. The anxiety of being in a relationship has pushed you further away from loved ones, and ESPECIALLY your partner.
Let's admit it! If you felt overwhelmed, accused, criticized for not being enough or doing enough, how would it make you feel? It's time to rebuild that sense of self and that means taking time for self reflection! It means getting back out there and saving your remaining bridges from completely collapsing, or connecting with family and friends again. We need to find what makes you you again.
Savoring the sense of security
Recognizing the problem is not always the final answer. Even after recognizing the signs of codependency, or insecure attachment, it may take some time to let go of bad habits. It may also feel unnatural or effortful to apply new techniques. However, think about how it will improve the relationship in the long run. Better yet, how it will benefit you in the long run.
Your peace and sense of the security in the relationship is key for the relationship to be successful. So savor the relationship rather than trying to control it!
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